Transparency In The 1st Person

It's been awhile, and there's good reasons.

Reasons that I don't like to think about much less talk about, but reasons nonetheless that I must get out here before I continue to offer up my observations of the sports world--and it involves something that most of like to think about but really not follow through on: transparency.

Yes, transparency. And to continue to be honest about my observations, I feel it necessary to be honest with my readers. I feel that you need to know why I say what I say and know that my observations come from a genuine place--and not someplace that's trying back-handedly to manipulate you, push your buttons, or promote anybody else's agenda. This is all my own, with 21-years of TV sportscasting, and 2-years of radio hosting and play-by-play experience as my underwriting. But now comes some truth that only some of you know, so here goes.

My 21-years of TV sportscasting came to an end--although I hope not a permanent one--back in March of this year. I was let go from my job, and for the most part, I was the responsibile party. I got careless with my gear and a company vehicle, and in this day of trimming budgets, it made it very easy for my former station's management to invite me to pack up my stuff and leave. I make no bones about the fact that I was careless. I also make no bones about the fact that I was physically and mentally exhausted leading up to my dismissal for various reasons--the big two being the long drag of football and basketball seasons without an extended break, and getting up multiple times on multiple nights of the week for a good three months tending to my two-year old light-sleeping daughter. Lack of sleep and lack of more than a one 3-day break over 8-month period will wear a person down, and I allowed that to happen. But that's where my responsibility stops. My former station's management, whether it can/will admit it or not, bears that small brunt--and I really could care less whether it does or not--it's no longer my problem (and I'm not exhausted anymore!).

Since then, I've been dabbling in many part-time ventures: radio play-by-play, free-lance writing, a part-time sales job for "GreatSavingsHere.com", a discount/special offer coupon website, and of course, my two blogs. And, truth be told, it's been a double edged sword. I've enjoyed having the time to be detailed about my writing, and to get a taste of the business world outside of TV. But, at the same time, it's been MEGA-stressful not having steady income, and quite frankly, pretty disapppointing being strung along by some folks I thought were more than just professional acquaintances. In short, the rest has been nice, and it's been a big learning experience for everything else not TV Sports. But the biggest truth is: it's a sucky time to be out of work. I've applied for a lot of part-time jobs--everything from pouring coffee at Starbucks, to hardware stores, to even stacking boxes at UPS. And guess what? No response. I hope to start substitute teaching here within a week, and I'm studying to earn my personal training certification--I'll take the tests in December. I'm also exploring going back to school. All of this while being primary morning caregiver to my now 2-and-a-half year old. So, I think you can understand why I've been sporadic in my sports world observations lately. But that's not the end of the transparency--no, not at all.

The biggest truth of them all is this: I have not changed one iota since I left the TV airwaves 7-months ago--at least changed as far as my core goes. I still have my opinions, and I'm willing to back them up with solid facts. I'm still the guy with what some call the "pretty boy looks" who revels in the grunt work of the trenches (I almost forgot: one of my other jobs is taking care of a buddy's yard--I enjoy that kind of work). And, I've also noticed that most of my friends' attitudes toward me since I lost my TV job haven't really changed either. And the rest? I really could care less. If my being on TV or my having a high profile in my community is the basis for an friendship and/or acquiantanceship, then that person wasn't really my friend, and don't think for a minute I didn't know that when I was fully employed. In short, other people's attitudes are their problems, not mine--and I refuse to make them mine. In my job search--right or wrong--my attitude is this: if my landing a job is dependent on such shallow things like "the right career track" or the seeming unwritten rule of, "you're more attractive if you have a job while searching for a job", then I really don't want that job--it screams of a culture of limited thinking, and in this day and age, limited thinking is a death knell. And, I don't intend to re-enter the job market on a sinking ship. I have that much faith in Our Lord to negotiate from a position of strength. And if they can't handle that, then screw 'em. I may have to change careers, but it's a job, man. It's only a job. Anything more than that and it becomes a god. The same thing can be said about money, looks, place and power, shoes (ladies, pay attention), etc..

All that having been said, I will be glad to see the year 2009 pass. It's been a stressful & frustrating year as a whole. I miss the world of TV Sports to a degree, but I don't miss the high proportion of stress compared to the low salary. I miss the comraderie but not the back-biting and drama that accompanies a newsroom. I miss telling stories with video and sound, but I don't miss dragging four bags of video/audio/editing gear through an airport by myself--all to save my station thousands of dollars. And I fully don't appreciate being taken for being weak by taking responsibility for my actions--by not "passing the buck". There seems to be some kind of an unwritten rule out there that says, "Hey, if somebody takes responsibility, make him the fall guy for everybody's responsibility". And, if you believe in that philosophy, I think you're a turd--and you know the old saying, "You can't polish a turd". A turd is also anything but transparent. You don't like it? Deal with it. And kiss my ass while you're at it.

How's that for transparency?

I tell you all these things because I deeply feel that you need to know that I have no fear of what people think. I refuse to be hardballed, swayed by position or power, or coddled for anybody's agenda. I'm in the thick of one of the hardest periods in my life. So, I do a lot more praying, a lot more soul searching, and a lot more lifting other people up, a lot more giving. Those are the important things. Sports not only become secondary, they become tertiary. And that gives me license to praise and/or lambaste--and anything in between. Sports on the whole are a diversion. And that point was driven home tonight when my toddler was crying to see her mommy (Mary's in South Dakota for her grandmother's funeral). For those of you who don't know our story, Mary and I adopted Malia from China about 13-months ago, and in Malia's little 2-and-a-half your old mind, she's been abandoned by two mommies: her biological mom and her Foster mom who she lived with for almost a year-and-a-half. So, when Mary goes away, she lives those feelings all over again. She cries for no reason. She has trouble sleeping. And sometimes, she screams in her sleep and she doesn't even know it. When Malis broke out in one of those cries toinght, I cried along with, and just held her until we both stopped. Now, THAT is what's important! Not whether the Cowboys stunk it up at the lowly Chiefs even though they won in overtime, or who wins this Saturday's "Red River Rivalry" in Dallas. My little girl is real life--and tonight, it was a double case of transparency.

Yes, transparency demands that we be real. And I respect my craft, my family, and my Lord enough to be real--and anybody else's approval isn't necessary.